Christmas and Some Conversations to Remember

During Christmas time we read several stories about the true meaning of Christmas. We have chosen not to lead Violet to believe that Santa Claus is a real person. It was strange though that although we never told her he was real she started thinking he was. We have told her from the very beginning that St. Nicolas was a real man who did nice things for people but that Santa Claus was not real. We have had frank an open discussions about it. When she was 1 year old we went to an event at the local municipal hall and there was a Santa there. Santa happened to be our friend. So after it was over we told her that our friend Bobby was dressed up as Santa and pretending. She had fun with it and still to this day when we pass the hall she tells us about seeing Bobby dressed as Santa there. We listened to lots of Christmas music during the holidays and watched some holiday movies that portrayed Santa in some ways. Never ones where he was the main character though. Then on Christmas Eve we were driving home from Jiji and Baba's house and she told us "Santa is coming to my house tonight!! He is coming and he is going to bring presents!" We felt at a loss. How did it happen. With all of our honesty she still chose to believe in him. So we smiled and didn't say anything until we got home. We talked again about how Santa was not a real person and that it is fun to pretend about him. We told her when we woke up on Christmas morning there would be surprises under the tree and in her stocking but they would be from Mommy and Daddy and our family and friends. She understood and didn't protest against what we told her. She smiled and was exited to see her surprises the next day. When she went to bed she was still giddy just like any child who believes in Santa. She kept opening her eyes and asking me if it was Christmas yet. She asked me
"Mama when we wake up tomorrow will you say, 'Good Morning Violet! Guess what It's Christmas!'" I said that I definitely would and she could go to sleep now. She did and I said exactly what she asked me to when she woke up. Then she looked over the bed to see our stockings hung above the window and shouted..."Mama Santa Came!! I have presents in there!" Then she stopped and said with a smile, "They are from you and Daddy aren't they!" I told her they were. Then we woke up Daddy with kisses and asked him to come down from our bed with us so we could go see the tree. On the way down she said "When we get to the tree, can I pretend to be Santa?" Gabe and I both agreed with a smile and off we went to enjoy our first Christmas in our house as a family of 3. She enjoyed her morning and really loved opening gifts that came in the mail from family back home.
Later in the day I asked Violet if she knew what Christmas was about and this is how she replied.
"Christmas is about spending time with your family. And Jesus' birthday party!"  I said "And he was born in a stable right?" Violet said, "No, he was humbly born in a stable."

We had a lovely Christmas spending time together and laughing and talking with family over skype. It even snowed!

Here are some other recent conversations that I don't want to forget.

In the middle of the night Violet woke up and said "Mommy can I hug you please?" Then she said "Mommy, when I get bigger I'll be a mommy and you'll be in my tummy. When I get bigger and when you get smaller you'll be my baby. I'll have a baby mama in my tummy. When you're my baby I promise I'll always give you milkies!"
She has told me on several occasions recently that when she gets bigger I will get smaller and she will be my mommy. She keeps telling me that I will always be her baby and that when we are apart, I will always be in her heart!

On Jan. 13, 2013 Violet had her first haircut. She has been talking about it for a while lately and so we finally decided to do it. I told her we would set up our own beauty shop at home and mommy or daddy would cut it. So we took a bath first and I washed her hair. Then we set up a chair and trimmed about 2 inches off the bottom. She said she wanted short hair like mommy but we decided just a trim would do. After I made the first cut she smiled and said "I'm all done!" Then she wanted to see her hair. I showed her and asked if I could finish the rest. After I finished up I gave her a chocolate popsicle and she exclaimed over and over "Isn't my hair so short!" and giggled.

Also on this same day in the afternoon she made her first snowman. She wanted to make a snowmama. (milkies and all) And she also made her first snow angel. 

Violet is so sensitive to Gabe and my emotional states. The other day when she noticed I was feeling a bit down she said "Mommy, I'll hug you and make you happy. I want to make you happy because I love you." I said "You don't have to make me happy sweetie. But I do feel happy when you hug me and say you love me." Then she said "Mommy I can make you happy because I have super powers! I want to make you happy because I love you and I have super powers with my hugs and my love!" I couldn't deny that! She does. She can turn any gray sky blue with her hugs. I love that girl so much and I cherish her love! I do worry though that she feels responsible for making us happy. We are trying to show her that it is ok to feel things and that people aren't always happy but that doesn't have to affect how we feel inside.

Another sweet moment...
She was choking on a little piece of food at the table and Gabe and I both reached over to pat her on the back. We patted her together and after she stopped coughing she looked up at us and said, "Thank you for patting me Mommy and Daddy. Thank you for patting my back. I'm ok now."

A couple of nights ago we were reading the Christmas Story before bed (we used to read it every night as her bedtime story from the time she was 1 year old to almost 2 years old) She loves it. It's a peek a boo bible storybook) When we got to the page that shows Mary holding baby Jesus then putting him in the bed I told her that she used to say "He's going to have down down milkies". (That is what Violet used to say when she was sleepy "down down milkies mama" that meant she wanted to nurse lying down so she could rest or sleep) Then I reminded her of a song I used to sing to her (one I made up and would sing when she would ask for down down milkies)
" Down down down milkie down down down
Down down down milkie down down down
down down down Milkie down down down.
And that's the way we go."

As soon as I started singing she had a sweet innocent smile on her face and I could tell that she remembered. I asked her if she remembered that song and she softly smiled and whispered "yes"


Last Monday we had a day off and we asked her where she wanted to go and she said
"I don't want to go anywhere. I just want to stay in my home because I love my home!"
She loves to be home with Mommy and Daddy and play all day with her toys and books.
She still has a bit of a hard time on weekdays and asks first thing every morning if it is a school day. She cries a little each day when I tell her it is. It breaks my heart. Still.

updated 1/21
On Saturday on the way to ballet, as we passed her school, Violet asked, "Mommy why is my school not next to your school? Why is my school far away?" I said "because the people who built the schools decided this would be a good place for them. I wish they were next to each other. That would be neat!"
Violet said, "Mommy why do I have to be far away from you when you are at school. Why can I not hug you when I am at school?" I said, "Because my physical body is not next to you at that time. But my heart is always with you. I am always hugging you in my heart." Violet said, "I always want to hug you mama. But I am not going to school today! So today I can hug you all day long!"


Well that's all for now. Our little flower is growing every day and she just can't wait to be "big".

(not sure why the pics uploaded out of order but here they are anyway)

Christmas present Wok and Roll Game. She loves it!

morning walk with Daddy

after her first haircut!

Her first sewing machine. She wants to sew just like mama!

Violet pretending to be stuck in a frame :)

Christmas Morning

Super Violet

giving kitty milkies

Snow on Christmas Day

In her Christmas dress by the tree after we decorated it

Christmas morning reading a new present

she still fits in her "pouch" and can nurse in there too.

studying in her Christmas dress

snow in Tono

Christmas Eve afternoon snack at Jiji and Baba's.

snowmama with nursling

Christmas morning pancakes

snow in Ofunato and making pics on the window

a painting by Violet and Gabe added text over top

Violet's ornament that I made her for 2012

Daddy's a good sport and lets Violet paint his nails

Christmas morning (wearing Christmas Dress as a hat) my goofball

making her first snow angel

snowmama (per Violet's request with milkies)

Violet's lunch for school one day

doing ballet at home with her Ms. Liz dvd

an older pic from Nov. Violet seeing her first live musical

homemade tutu with Beatles shirt (the shirt I used to tell Gabe I was pregnant. It survived the tsunami and she still wears it)

The amazing things she says

I have not been keeping up with this blog a much as I would like to and so I want to do a little catching up.
Yesterday we participated in a ceremony for Shichigosan. It is a day to celebrate 3 year old girls and boys, 5 year old boys and 7 year old girls. We decided to do it at our friends shrine in Takata. It was a very wonderful experience for all of us and I am so glad that we did it. It is a Shinto tradition that involves going into the shrine and listening to the priest play the drum and sing a blessing for your child. The priest at this shrine is the husband of my dear friend, Keiko. Mutsuko came with us and helped translate for all of us. Our sweet friend, Naomi, came and took pictures for us and I will post those when she sends them to me. Violet wore her special kimono for the ceremony. It was given to her by her sweet Obachan (Mrs. Yoshida). It was the Kimono she wore herself as a child and the one that all three of her daughters wore. Violet was so excited about Shichigosan. She couldn't wait and wanted to wear her kimono everyday. She practiced walking in her zohri and did really well yesterday. she wanted to wear them again this morning. :) When it was our turn to go into the shrine, she started to get a little nervous. She wanted me to hold her and carry her in, which I was glad to do. Once we got inside though she was excited that there was a special seat for her. Violet sat in the middle and there were chairs on either side of hers to sit in. She wanted us to be close though and so Gabe and I knelt beside her as she held our hands so tight. The priest told her what he was going to do and told her "I am going to beat the drum and call out to God and ask him to come and check on you. He will give you a blessing to keep you healthy and to grow strong. If you can be still and be a good girl you will get a present." Violet seemed a little taken a back by this and looked at both Gabe and I with a questioning look in her eyes. We continued to hold her hand and assure her that everything was ok. As he beat the drum her eyes opened wide and she watched intently. Then he sang a prayer that included her name in it. She looked over at us with a big smile and said "He said Kurafuto Sumire. He said my name!" She was very pleased. She was watching so carefully and sat so quietly. As the ceremony went on she finally looked over at Gabe and said "where is God? The man said that God would come when he beat the drum. I can't see him. Where is he?" Gabe and I looked at each other and finally Gabe answered her quietly, "God is everywhere. He is with us all the time and He is all around us. We can't see him but he is always here with us. God is always watching over us and paying attention to us. We don't always pay all our attention to Him though. So right now we are paying attention to Him. The priest is telling God that he is paying attention to Him now too. He is always here though." She looked around a little more and then seemed satisfied with her Daddy's wonderful response.Violet asks so many questions, many times the questions have answers that are often difficult to explain to a child but we are always as honest as possible with her. After the priest finished reciting his prayers he invited us to the alter together and we bowed and clapped together as is the ritual. Violet was so serious and followed along so wonderfully. After that she received her present Chitoseame. It means thousand year candy. She is three so she received 3 sticks. They are long milk flavored candies that signify wishing a long life to the child. They come inside a beautifully ornate bag. She didn't know what was inside until after lunch though. (this was her first time to eat candy!) We took more pictures and then our dear friends held a small lunch party for us in the shrine meeting room. It was a wonderful day and I am so thankful that we could all experience it. I'm looking forward to sharing the pictures soon.

I also want to take a moment to record some of the things that Violet has been saying and doing lately.
She is absolutely in love with ballet. She has almost the entire Nutcracker Ballet memorized. She hums the music around the house and dances all the time. She knows almost every part by memory and talks about it while we listen to the music. She knows several ballet terms and loves to teach us how to do the moves. She has really enjoyed giving performances every Sunday for Jiji and Baba and discovered that she could stand behind their long curtains in the living room to make it a stage.
She is also very interested in human anatomy. She loves learning about the parts of the body and talks about what she has learned. Her favorite organ is the heart. She loves watching videos that show how the heart works and wants to know the names for each part of the heart. She tells us how her heart beats so fast and is making her so "strong and capable". She also told me the other day that her heart is so big because she has a lot of love in it. (melt mama's heart) She is also interested in the reproductive system and knows what happens inside a woman's uterus when a baby is formed. She loves pretending to have a baby in her tummy and wants a baby so much. If wishes ever come into conversation she always wishes for a baby. (Seems to take after her mommy there :) ) And just in case you were wondering, No I am not pregnant. She also likes to talk about her digestive system and told her teacher in Japanese about what happens when you chew your food. Sometimes she says you chew your food and your saliva helps you digest it. Then it goes down your esophagus, into your stomach and then to your intestines. But other times she tells us "I chew up my food and it goes all the way down to my uterus!" That one gets a laugh! She also tells us "My brainstem is so long. It starts here (pointing to the base of her head) and goes all the way down to my uterus!" She all about the uterus! Haha! She teaches us about the bones in our bodies too.
Violet is so inquisitive and ask questions about everything. She asked us about rain and why it rains and so we told her about the water cycle. We found a song about the water cycle and she loved it! I was surprised yesterday when I walked up on her telling Auntie (Mutsuko) why it was raining and where it came from. She really is a sponge and picks up everything!
She often asks about friends and family who are sick and loves to pray for them. I often talk about my own mother and how she is in heaven now. The other day she asked us about Heaven and what it is like and where it is. We told her that we don't really know but that after you die, you don't feel any pain anymore. You don't have any worries and you are at peace. And that we will know when we get there. She remembered that and when we came upon an insect that had passed away she looked up at me and said "mommy, he doesn't feel any pain anymore. It's ok. He is at peace." She is so tenderhearted. I love that about her. Two days ago at breakfast she asked me "mommy will you always take care of me?" I told her "Always. I will always take care of you until I'm not here anymore. And then when I am gone I'll be in your heart." She thought about it and then said "Mama, please don't go away when you're an old lady! Don't go away from me!" I had to fight away the tears. I assured her that I was going to be with her as long as I could and that Daddy and Mommy try hard to stay healthy so we can live for a long time.
It broke my heart knowing though that one day she may have to feel that pain. I pray to the Lord that that day will be a long day from now. I thought of my dear friend whose sister recently passed away leaving behind 2 small children. Her earthly life was a healthy one and yet she was struck with a vicious form of ovarian cancer that took her life in less than a year. This family is always on my mind and I knew that I could not promise Violet that I would be here with her forever. We are never guaranteed another day. The best I can do is tell her that I love her and try to show her how we cherish each other and each day every day! I struggle to know how to answer all of her questions and sometimes all I can say is "I don't know but I will try my best to find out."
She asks us a lot "Will I always be your baby?" and she says it in such a sweet and endearing way. I love it.
She still nurses a lot. And she still sleeps with us. We love it so much and she is so fun to snuggle with.
She wakes us with such sweet giggles and smiles. This morning she asked right away to "take a group hug."
Violet has a very active imagination and pretends to be different animals, characters and people all the time. She loves to read and is showing signs that she will start reading by herself soon. She can count to 30 now and she has read 1 very short easy reader book. She loves music, she loves dance and she loves to talk to people.
When we were walking home from school the other day she say an older man walking by. He was looking her way and so she smiled and waved at him saying "Ojiisan Konichiwa" (Hello grandfather. It is common to call older people, even strangers Grandmother or Grandfather). The mans face lit up and he smiled and waved back. She looked at me and said "Mama, he looked so happy when I smiled at him." I told her, "We can show kindness and love to others by being friendly and saying hello. You can change a whole persons day with a smile. It's always a good idea to show someone love this way, especially if it is an older person or someone who is alone and looking sad." She nodded and then waved and smiled at every single elderly person we passed along the way. I love her heart!
Well that is about all I can think of for now. I will try to post some pics as soon as I can. Wishing everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving. We have so much to be thankful for and are grateful for God's many blessings. Peace and love to you.