Saying Goodbye

This past summer we traveled to the US for our yearly visit. We ended up being there for almost 2 months. It wasn't part of our original trip but it was definitely a blessing that we could be there when we were. My dear sweet grandfather's health was failing and we decided to move up our trip so that we could be there to say goodbye. We arrived exactly one week before he went home. It was a bittersweet week for us all. We arrived in time to see him when he could still respond and know that we were there. In fact he even brought his hand up to his mouth to blow Violet a kiss. That was one of the last moments of his ability to physically respond with more than a grunt. It it a beautiful memory that I will always cherish. She had just told him that she loved him and was praying for him. She blew him a kiss and he slowly moved his hand up to his mouth to return the kiss. We were all shocked that he was physically able to do it and Violet was so happy she beamed from ear to ear.

The days before his passing, we all gathered at their home and surrounded him with our love and words of farewell. It was a beautiful and emotional time. Violet was with me and played with her cousins a lot but also wanted to see Papo. She gave him kisses and prayed for him. My grandmother requested that I sing to him as he was passing away and each time that it looked like he might pass on I would start to sing. I sang the Ave Maria more times than I can count. Violet started picking up on the words and started singing with me some times. It was so sweet to hear her sweet voice singing along with mine. When my brothers and I started singing hymns together she wanted to sing along too. Even though she didn't know the words, she would try to follow along. It is a precious memory for me.

When he finally went to his Heavenly home Violet was in another room and I went to get her. She ran to my arms and said "mommy where is Papo?" I told her he had passed away. She smiled so big and said, "mommy, he's not in pain anymore now. He's in heaven now right? He is with Grandma Pam. Can I be happy? We can be happy right?" After that I found it difficult to cry. She reminded me to be joyful.

I told her of course she could be happy and after that I had a hard time not feeling a form of happiness too. She smiled and laughed and rejoiced in his homegoing. It was amazing. She wanted to go over and see his body. She was confused why his body was still there. She thought it would disappear. But she touched him and felt him and I told her his earthly body is here but his spirit, what we knew him like was gone.

The days following she often stated that she missed him, in fact she still periodically talks about him and how she misses him. She told me that Papo wants her to come to be with him in heaven. That she saw his body turn into a pony when he died and he is a pony now. She asks about if he will come back as someone of something else. She is really interested in this lately and she often talks to me about what she was before and what she will be. We tell her that none of us really knows what happens after we die but what we believe is that we don't have to have any pain anymore and we can be everywhere with all the people we love even if they can't see us.

When we had the Rosary, Papo's casket was open. Violet wanted to go up and see him and touch him over and over. She wanted to give him stickers and put them on his hands. I let her do it as often as I could because she was really expressing a desire to see him. I had to really try hard to keep her in her seat during the service because she kept wanting to get up. Throughout the service she kept asking me questions about death and heaven and life after death. Questions that I couldn't answer because I don't know the answers. I could only answer with my feeble human mind. Then when she saw me crying she said, "Mama when will my tears come?" I said, "Your tears will come when you are ready. We cry when we are sad or happy or scared or for any other feeling." Then she pressed her self against my body and looked up at me and said "Mommy, maybe if we press our cheeks together and you touch your eyes to my eyes I can share your tears. Your tears will become my tears." I was so taken aback by this expression of true empathy out of my child's mouth and heart. I immediately said, "yes, you can share my tears baby. I will share my tears with you and you can always share your tears with me." I pressed my cheek to hers and our closed eyes touched. My mascara stained tears rolled down her cheeks and she smiled up at me and said, "See mama, now I have your tears." I just hugged her.

My brothers and I sang Amazing Grace at the Rosary and Violet really wanted to sing with us. She really wanted to sing for Papo. She saw me expressing my love for my grandparents through singing to them for the last week and I think she really wanted to do the same. So I let her come up to the microphone with me. She didn't know the words but she sang her heart out. I struggled to keep it together while listening to her sweet voice in my ear.

At the funeral, Papo's casket was open in the beginning before the service started so that people who couldn't make it to the Rosary could see him. Again, Violet wanted to go up to see him again and again. I let her take a couple of turns to say goodbye again. She gave him a few more stickers too. Then when they came to close the casket she became upset. She wanted to see him still. I tried to comfort her and tell her that it was just his body, he wasn't there anymore. She continued to ask me questions about what happens to a person after they die and where he was. I tried to explain in as best a way I could that he was no longer in pain. He was with Grandma Pam and he would always be with us and around us watching over us.
We continued on to the burial and we stayed until he was lowered into the ground. It was a small group of us at that point. We all threw in some dirt and then Violet and Eos said that they wanted to throw some flowers in for him. So we let them.

Since Papo's passing Violet has continued to talk about him and voice what she thinks he is doing. She is always certain that he is with Grandma Pam and that they are having fun together. One day she told me "Mommy I think Papo is playing with Grandma Pam now." I asked her "What are they playing?" She looked up and said "I think they are playing golf." I don't know how she knew that he loved playing golf. Maybe she overheard someone talking about it. I answered, "yes, I am sure they are." Another time she told me that Papo was dancing in heaven. He was dancing for joy with Grandma Pam. I love when she shares these thoughts with me because I really do believe that children have a more open mind to the spiritual world. And I love to picture my beloved mother and grandfather doing the things she says they are doing.

Before we left for our trip to see the Craft family we had several opportunities to go and visit with my Mamo. Violet seemed to know she was sad and she knew why, without me telling her. Two days before we left we were over visiting with her and Violet asked me if Mamo lived in Japan. And then said she didn't want to be away from Mamo. She began to cry and say she wanted to be with Mamo. Then she decided she would make a picture for Mamo to remember her by.

She went and drew Mamo a picture and when she brought it to her she told her it was magical.Then she gave Mamo her plastic wand (a toy she had recently become very attached to) and said the picture was "remoted". She said, "When you touch the wand to the picture a voice comes out." "Who's voice?" Mamo said. "Gods voice." replied Violet. "What does he say?" asked Mamo. "That you are never alone and Papo is always with you.When you feel sad and miss Papo you can use it." Violet said.

Just before all of this Violet had asked Mamo "who do you sleep with?" Mamo said I sleep alone now. I sleep with angels." So, Violet made this picture and came up with that whole idea on her own. 

She then told her "You have to use it right when you wake up because I know you always miss Papo when you wake up." Then Mamo said, "Can I use it at bedtime too?" Violet said, "Yes! You can use it anytime when you feel sad and are missing Papo or anyone who is not here anymore. Anyone who is not with you. God will always help you when you feel sad!"

Mamo was so touched. We all were. I could hardly hold back my tears through the whole conversation. My Aunt was in the room and tearful and my Dad was too. It was so precious and so heartfelt.

Violet, you will never know the comfort you brought to me during this sad time. You remind me to be joyful. You remind me to be not only sympathetic but empathetic to others feelings and needs. You remind me to look for love in all things and to keep smiling. I love you forever and always!  

Papo, I love you! You taught us all so much about life and how to always keep family and God first. You and Mamo gave us all such a beautiful glimpse of what true love is. For whenever you two were together, it was obvious you were crazy about each other. Thank you for loving me, Papo. I will never forget you!

I'd like to share his obituary here. I am going to copy and paste it so that Violet can read it one day when she is older. 

Sixto Elizondo Jr. 82 went home to our Lord on July 14, 2013, surrounded by his entire family. He was born in Seguin, Texas and moved to San Antonio when he was 9 years old.

He was a prominent artist of his time with over 50 years in the field of antique restoration and furniture finishing. He began his career with Mildred English Interior Design as an apprentice and was sent to various fine furniture manufacturing companies to perfect his trade.

After working at Mildred English for 20 years he opened his own business-Sixto’s Custom Finishing. He went on to become a very well known artist in San Antonio, Austin, Houston, and Dallas. One of his most defining moments was creating his version of a very fine finish which was invented by Robert Minton, of New York. It was a crackle type finish, and was created by him and his son Oscar after many hours of experimenting in the garage until it was perfected.

Sixto had an appreciation and passion for furniture and wood. Many homes, churches, businesses and museums are filled with his finest work. He took great pride in his work and was dedicated to his profession.

Sixto was a man of faith, devoted husband, loving father, grandfather and great grandfather. He loved spending time with his family, hunting, fishing, golf and casinos.

Sixto was a member of St. John the Evangelist Catholic Church. He was a Fourth Degree Knight of Columbus and previously served as Grand Knight. He had a special devotion to the Virgin de Guadalupe.

Sixto leaves behind his beloved wife of 62 years, Matilde, sons Sixto III (Sarah), Sam (Thelma), Oscar (Denise), daughters Carmen Bernal (Henry),Olga Elizondo-Aulds, Cris Garcia (Ray) Norma Alvarez (John) and Ana Cortez(Don). He also leaves behind 31 grandchildren and 25 great grandchildren. He is also survived by sisters, Evangelina Garcia, Maxine Palacios and Zoila Flores. A special thanks to Vitas Hospice and his caretakers, grandson Donnie Cortez, granddaughter Cassie Cortez, Toni Gibbons and Ryan La Reau.