Christmas Present

Our Christmas this year was very quiet. Since Christmas fell on Wed. it was a regular work day for us. Because I had taken so much time off in the summer and fall to attend the funerals of my grandparents, I didn't have any days left to take off for Christmas. I guess I could have asked for an unpaid day, but I just didn't feel right doing it since I had already taken so many unpaid days. I didn't want to impose on the graciousness of my bosses.

On Sunday the 22nd we planned to celebrate with our sweet family The Yoshidas. Rev. Yoshida (Jiji) held a special private service in their home for us. Two of their daughters joined us via webcam from Hokkaido. It was such a peaceful and beautiful service. We sat by the warm fireplace and all took turns reading passages from the Bible. We sang Christmas Hymns and listened to Jiji's special Christmas message. We did not have as much snow there as last week, but it was still a "white Christmas".

After that we had a small Christmas Pageant. The week before Violet and Baba had been talking about the Christmas Story and Violet decided to be the Angel. We ended up acting out the Nativity story a few times. So last Sunday we did the same. Violet was the angel, I was Mary and Gabe was Joseph. We had a babydoll for baby Jesus. Jiji and Baba were the innkeepers. It was such a sweet little pageant and Violet knew exactly how the story was to go. She repeated lines from her favorite Christmas Storybook. It was perfect.

After the pageant we had a beautiful lunch of Chirashizuzhi and soup. Followed by cakes and cakes and more cakes. It was a delicious feast!

Following lunch we played and napped and then we all went to a local onsen for a nice long soak. The water was warm and the view from the beautiful. Violet made a friend in the bath. The walked around the bath together and held hands as the sat in the warm water together. They giggled and played and chased each other around.

After her bath, Jiji bought her an ice cream cone and then we drove back home. Jiji made a delicious pot of Sukiyaki for dinner! We hadn't had it in so long and we all ate until our tummies were full. It was Violet's first time to have Sukiyaki and she said "I suspect that I do like Sukiyaki!"

After dinner we opened gifts and then watched The Sound of Music on Jiji's projector screen. Violet loves TSOM. It is currently her favorite movie. She stood in front of the big screen watching Julie Andrews with a smile on her face. She tried so hard to stay awake through the movie but shortly after 16 Going on 17 she was fast asleep.

She loved sleeping in "her" room at Jiji and Baba's house. And we woke up to Baba's delicious breakfast! After that we played and read some books and Violet played her new hiragana karuta with Baba. She loves to study! Last, we went into town for a delicious lunch of Hitsumi ( a chicken soup with flat dumplings). The snow was falling steadily and the air was crisp. Violet enjoyed catching snowflakes on her tongue and in her hands.

On Christmas Eve we had to work and Violet went to school. She was very upset about that and said "Christmas is for staying home all day and being with your family." I couldn't agree more. After school we picked her up and then went home to change for Christmas Eve church. She was so excited to see her Auntie (Mutsuko) and Aunt Teresa and Ryo. She decided to sit with them and she often turned around to smile at me or ask me a question. "Why do we go to church for Jesus?" "Why do we close our eyes when we pray?" "Why does the Priest wear a robe?" "Where does the money go that we put in the offering" "Why do we sing songs?" ......

After church there was a light dinner party with cakes and sandwiches. She enjoyed that too. When we finally got home it was 9:00pm. She is usually asleep by 8! But since it was Christmas Eve we let her stay up and watch a movie before bed. We watched the story of the Raven and then the Grinch (her favorite Christmas movie this year). She loved the Raven story and wanted to watch it over and over. It was amazing to see her make the connection between the similarities of the story to the story of Christ's birth. After it was over she told us that Jesus is the light.

Christmas morning we woke up and she opened her stocking. I surprised her with a little stuffed Kitty that she has seen in the store and wanted to take home. She was thrilled! And a chocolate cookie shaped like a cat. She is cat crazy!

Then I got up and made some breakfast and we headed out the door. I had to work but Gabe took the day off to spend with her. They had a fun day together and then came to work to get me, She came up to my office and couldn't believe that she "got to pick up a grown up!"

We went home and opened our gifts by the tree. She wanted to play with each thing as soon as she opened it and was content to stop after each gift. We actually didn't finish opening everything because she go to playing and then got tired. We ate dinner and watched a Christmas special.

We crawled into bed and she was asleep before I even finished the 3rd page of Mortimer's Christmas Manger.

Christmas was quiet and we missed our family back home for sure. But we were definitely thankful that we were blessed with another year together. We are looking forward to our winter holiday this coming week. We get a week off for the New Year celebrations.

Merry Christmas everyone! Wishing you all Peace, Love and Light!

Christmas Past

When I think about Christmas Eve I think about candles. I think about the soft mysterious sounds of O Come O Come Emmanuel echoing through a darkened church. Silent Night sung softly by the choir and warm tears slowly touching my cheeks. 

Christmas Eve for me as a child meant waiting for Santa and going to Mamo and Papo’s house to play with cousins. The smell of tamales warming in the oven mixed with the scent of the pine tree lingered in the air. All of us little ones gathered in the living room. Sitting on the floor together in our Christmas best. All of us smiling as we waited for the magic to begin. I remember singing together and listening with all our might for the jingle of those bells and the stomping feet of the reindeer to appear on Mamo’s roof. Then at last there it would be… stomp stomp stomp, jingle jingle jangle. The bells would ring and our hearts would begin beating through our chests as we waited for him to appear. 

Santa would come early to Mamo and Papo’s house and give us all a special treat and we promised to go home and go to sleep as soon as we got home. 

The house was full of love. As our family grew the house would almost seem to burst at the seams. If those walls could talk, oh the stories they would tell. Each room filled to the brim with laughter and sometimes tears. 

I remember Aunts and cousins going to the back rooms to nurse their babies and us younger ones following along to listen to their stories. 

Shifts were taken at the tables to eat the tamales that Mamo and the aunts had made. That first bite of the pillow soft tamale always made it seem like Christmas had officially begun. Papo usually occupied one seat at the dinner table for the whole evening and when it was your turn to sit it was not only your chance to eat but your chance to talk to him and listen to a story or two. “Que paso Stepania” (he called me Stepania) His smile and warm eyes focused on the persons that were seated during each round. His hard working hands visible as he rapped his nails on the wood of the table he so lovingly made. I can see his nails running along the grooves of the table, the table at which so many loving meals were shared.

Mamo was always at the stove or running between the table and the microwave as she served her family. She would call out “Mija have you eaten yet?” I feel her warm embrace and the softness of her lips as she kissed me. Her beautiful soft hands holding my face as she wished me a Merry Christmas. 

Then came time for presents….Who would be the one to hand out the gifts that year? I remember Uncle Oscar would usually do the job as his voice could carry over the crowds. It was always exciting to see who had drawn your name that year. I remember the year we made gifts instead of buying them. I remember making a leather wallet for my cousin Sammy. And my Uncle Sam made a pants rack for my Dad, which he used every single day. I think my Aunt Olga painted some figurines for my mom and although I can’t picture the gift exactly I can remember the look on my mother’s face as she opened the gift. 

That house on West Mandalay overflowed with love. Two people who loved each other and the Lord so deeply made it so. 

After my family returned home, usually around one in the morning, it was time to wrap gifts. Mom and Dad would go into their bedroom and wrap all night and my brothers and I would wrap in their room. We’d whisper and giggle and wonder what we might be opening the next morning. 

Finally, it would be time to sleep, but it was so hard to fall asleep. Waking in the morning was so exciting. I would sneak across the hall to my brothers’ room (never peaking over the balcony at the tree) and wake them up. We would watch the clock and wait until it was late enough to run downstairs to wake up mom and dad. Then we’d run into their room and jump up on their bed to wake them. 

We’d run to the tree and to our delight we would find packages with our names written on them. Mom’s handwriting was on the tags…even the ones signed Love, Santa. Even up until our last Christmas with her, some presents were always signed, Love, Santa.

The year we all got bikes for Christmas solidified my belief in Santa. I was 9 and I figured that there was no way our parents could afford 3 new bikes! The only way that these gifts were possible was if Santa himself had brought them on his sleigh. 

We’d open gifts and Dad would videotape the whole thing. Amy Grant’s A Christmas Album would be playing on the record player and Snowball, my cat would be playing under the tree, in years later she was joined by Mally. Mom would be wearing her pink winter nightgown/robe and wearing Dad's yellow slippers. I can see her smiling there beside the tree.

Dad would always surprise mom with something romantic and sweet, a nightgown or her favorite perfume. She’d smile and they would kiss. Always in love…. Mom and I always got new pjs (or nightgowns) for Christmas and after all the gifts were opened we would go to her room to try them on together while Dad would make breakfast tacos for breakfast.

The house on Oak Mist, another house full of love. 

Later in the day we would celebrate with the Sweets (Mom’s family). When I was younger we would go to Granny and Papa’s house. Granny and Papa would be waiting for us all to arrive and it was usually warm enough for all the cousins to play outside. The smell of apple cake and turkey flowed out of the kitchen. The tree, usually in the corner of the living room was decorated with ornaments from my mother’s childhood and I always loved looking at each one as I wondered what she was like at my age. The built in bar in the living room provided a place for hide and seek and always seemed so mysterious to me. 

Cousins Kristen and Lisa never seemed to get annoyed with me when I wanted to be on their laps every time they sat down. Cousin Heather and I shared our secrets in the back rooms and shared the toilet seat when we had to go to the bathroom. Cousin Jimmy could be found climbing the trees or running away from Heather and me as we tried to kiss him. 

The house on Redcliff, yet another house full of love.

Your cousins really are your first friends, aside from your siblings, and I am so blessed that I grew up with so many.

I am so thankful that I have these precious memories and that God blessed us with such a large, loving family. The sounds, smells and sights of Christmases past live on in my heart and my mind and I will treasure them always.

Merry Christmas!

A gift

Today as we were walking home from school Violet asked many questions, as she usually does. She asked about family and love. She wanted to know where my mommy was. I told her Grandma Pam was still in heaven. She replied "So you don't have your mommy or your Mamo or your Papo." I said "No I don't. But even though I can't see them anymore I can still feel them all around me." I know she senses my sadness and grief.

She looked at me for a moment and then said, "I will give you my binoculars for Christmas,  mommy. My binoculars will help you see all the way up to heaven. Then you can see your mommy and Mamo and Papo again and wish them a a Merry Christmas. That's what I want to give you for Christmas." 

Oh sweet girl, you heal my heart everyday. I so wish those binoculars would work for me like they work for you.

The heart of a child is so precious. 

Merry Christmas Eve!

Oh come oh come Emmanuel. 

And randsome captive Israel
That mourns in lonely exile here
Until the Son of God appear
Rejoice Rejoice Emmanuel
shall come to the oh Israel. 

A big milestone

I am sitting on the floor next to the couch where Violet fell asleep (by choice) without milkies for the first time. She really wanted to try and sleep on her own. She did ask me to sit with her till she fell asleep which I was more than happy to do. She wrestled with the desire to nurse many times and I told her we could go to our family bed and nurse if she wanted. She wanted to sleep on the couch though. It took her an hour and a half to fall asleep. She is snuggled with her kitties and stayed close to the edge because she wanted to be close to me. 

You did it Violet and I'm so happy for you! I love you baby, I mean BIG girl! 

Our sweet flower has a fever

Violet has been sick the last 2 days. She's been so kind and loving too. Tonight she told me "If I were big enough I'd reach up in the sky and give you the moon. I get all the stars and clouds and the moon and bring them to you. Then I'd put them in your mouth and they would go straight down to your heart."

Then as I carried her down from the lift bed she looked in my eyes and said "Mommy, I've fallen in love with you. You are so kind." I told her I'd fallen in love with her the day she was born and never stopped. On fact the minute I knew she existed. She patted my face and smiled sheepishly. 

Oh this girl steals my heart. 

Love to get up to this

Lets get up and play it sounds like a hot day! I can hear sunbeams poking through the clouds!

We have a mathematician!

This morning was a rough one being the first one back to school after another 3 weeks off with mommy. I have so much to write about in regards to our trip home and milestones to catch up on but for now I just want to write this one down so she can read it one day.

We had been reading books this morning, several books, while eating breakfast and getting ready for our day. We were reading The Jalapeno Man (A Texas version of the classic Gingerbread Man story) when she saw a picture of a rabbit. Violet loves to talk about when she was a little girl in another life. She looked up at me and said "When I was a little girl I had 2 rabbits and 2 kitties so that equals 4 pets. I was so shocked that she said that since it came out of nowhere! I told her that was right. Then she said, "I had a garden too. There were 2 daisies and 2 daffodils. So that equals 4 flowers that I had."

I have always struggled with math and never have thought of myself as being capable of doing math. It all started with a teacher calling me stupid in front of the whole class because I couldn't answer the division flash card she was holding up. I was in the 1st grade. Ever since then my journey learning math has been a struggle. I hope and pray that no one crushes her spirit like that but I can't protect her from everything.

For now, I just want to say to her, Violet, you are 4 years and 5 days old and today you created and solved your first word problem all by yourself. You are strong and capable of anything! I love you!

A late night post

At this time exactly 4 years ago our precious Violet-Cecilia すみれ was born. She has grown into such an interesting, kind, loving and charming person. I can't believe our baby girl is 4 years old. It seems like only yesterday I was holding her for the first time. Violet, we love you so very much. May God grant you strength as you continue on this journey called life. May he grant you grace and courage when life gets hard. May your heart always be filled with love and light. You have taught me to find beauty in all things, even the ordinary is extraordinary when you are around. Happy birthday sweet flower! 

“The only real security is not insurance or money or a job, not a house and furniture paid for, or a retirement fund, and never is it another person.

It is the skill and humor and courage within, the ability to build your own fires and find your own peace.”
                                                                              ~ Audrey Sutherland

          via Gabe's Small Home Ideas Blog

Recent moments

Violet to Mommy, "When you get smaller and turn into a child again I will take you to your school while I go to my work. I will drive you there." Mommy, "You will. Will you make sure that I go to a fun school where I can do lots of fun things like paint and play?" Violet, "Yes, I will! It will be a really fun school. You will miss me when I go but I will come back for you. There will be beds for sleeping too." Mommy, "Someday that might happen. You might be taking care of me and have to find a place I can go while you are working. I know you will take good care of me." Followed by a big hug and lots of kisses.

Violet, "Mommy, do grown ups have milkies?" I said, "no honey they don't." Violet replied, "I think I will. I will have milkies forever and ever till the day I die! Maybe even after I die! I'll just crawl up in your lap and sip up those milkies!" She will be 4 in 2 weeks! I can't believe we've come this far but so glad we have!

We went to a Karaoke box on a rainy Friday and sang songs as a family. We ordered pizza and salad and sang to our hearts content. Violet sang the Ave Maria and Daddy sang lots of Beatles. When I sang Baby Mine to her she stopped me and said "Mommy you can stop now. It's just too beautiful. It's too much! You can stop now." It's our special song that we have sung to her every day of her life, since I first new she was in my womb. We really loved when he sang John Lennon's Love is Real. To finish we sang Three Little Birds by Bob Marley its our family song. Violet sang along so well. We all had a really good time!

Here we are on a homemade swing outside my daughter's preschool. It faces a pretty busy road and we got lots of kind looks from passersby. The sunlight was so pretty that day. Some days we make it till 5pm before nursing others we get just outside the gates of her school and she's ready for milkies.
Ps this photo wasn't edited.

And last, here we are on a school day morning. Mommy trying to make breakfast while Violet tries to squeeze in all the snuggles and holding she can before school. It's still so hard in the mornings.

Saying Goodbye

This past summer we traveled to the US for our yearly visit. We ended up being there for almost 2 months. It wasn't part of our original trip but it was definitely a blessing that we could be there when we were. My dear sweet grandfather's health was failing and we decided to move up our trip so that we could be there to say goodbye. We arrived exactly one week before he went home. It was a bittersweet week for us all. We arrived in time to see him when he could still respond and know that we were there. In fact he even brought his hand up to his mouth to blow Violet a kiss. That was one of the last moments of his ability to physically respond with more than a grunt. It it a beautiful memory that I will always cherish. She had just told him that she loved him and was praying for him. She blew him a kiss and he slowly moved his hand up to his mouth to return the kiss. We were all shocked that he was physically able to do it and Violet was so happy she beamed from ear to ear.

The days before his passing, we all gathered at their home and surrounded him with our love and words of farewell. It was a beautiful and emotional time. Violet was with me and played with her cousins a lot but also wanted to see Papo. She gave him kisses and prayed for him. My grandmother requested that I sing to him as he was passing away and each time that it looked like he might pass on I would start to sing. I sang the Ave Maria more times than I can count. Violet started picking up on the words and started singing with me some times. It was so sweet to hear her sweet voice singing along with mine. When my brothers and I started singing hymns together she wanted to sing along too. Even though she didn't know the words, she would try to follow along. It is a precious memory for me.

When he finally went to his Heavenly home Violet was in another room and I went to get her. She ran to my arms and said "mommy where is Papo?" I told her he had passed away. She smiled so big and said, "mommy, he's not in pain anymore now. He's in heaven now right? He is with Grandma Pam. Can I be happy? We can be happy right?" After that I found it difficult to cry. She reminded me to be joyful.

I told her of course she could be happy and after that I had a hard time not feeling a form of happiness too. She smiled and laughed and rejoiced in his homegoing. It was amazing. She wanted to go over and see his body. She was confused why his body was still there. She thought it would disappear. But she touched him and felt him and I told her his earthly body is here but his spirit, what we knew him like was gone.

The days following she often stated that she missed him, in fact she still periodically talks about him and how she misses him. She told me that Papo wants her to come to be with him in heaven. That she saw his body turn into a pony when he died and he is a pony now. She asks about if he will come back as someone of something else. She is really interested in this lately and she often talks to me about what she was before and what she will be. We tell her that none of us really knows what happens after we die but what we believe is that we don't have to have any pain anymore and we can be everywhere with all the people we love even if they can't see us.

When we had the Rosary, Papo's casket was open. Violet wanted to go up and see him and touch him over and over. She wanted to give him stickers and put them on his hands. I let her do it as often as I could because she was really expressing a desire to see him. I had to really try hard to keep her in her seat during the service because she kept wanting to get up. Throughout the service she kept asking me questions about death and heaven and life after death. Questions that I couldn't answer because I don't know the answers. I could only answer with my feeble human mind. Then when she saw me crying she said, "Mama when will my tears come?" I said, "Your tears will come when you are ready. We cry when we are sad or happy or scared or for any other feeling." Then she pressed her self against my body and looked up at me and said "Mommy, maybe if we press our cheeks together and you touch your eyes to my eyes I can share your tears. Your tears will become my tears." I was so taken aback by this expression of true empathy out of my child's mouth and heart. I immediately said, "yes, you can share my tears baby. I will share my tears with you and you can always share your tears with me." I pressed my cheek to hers and our closed eyes touched. My mascara stained tears rolled down her cheeks and she smiled up at me and said, "See mama, now I have your tears." I just hugged her.

My brothers and I sang Amazing Grace at the Rosary and Violet really wanted to sing with us. She really wanted to sing for Papo. She saw me expressing my love for my grandparents through singing to them for the last week and I think she really wanted to do the same. So I let her come up to the microphone with me. She didn't know the words but she sang her heart out. I struggled to keep it together while listening to her sweet voice in my ear.

At the funeral, Papo's casket was open in the beginning before the service started so that people who couldn't make it to the Rosary could see him. Again, Violet wanted to go up to see him again and again. I let her take a couple of turns to say goodbye again. She gave him a few more stickers too. Then when they came to close the casket she became upset. She wanted to see him still. I tried to comfort her and tell her that it was just his body, he wasn't there anymore. She continued to ask me questions about what happens to a person after they die and where he was. I tried to explain in as best a way I could that he was no longer in pain. He was with Grandma Pam and he would always be with us and around us watching over us.
We continued on to the burial and we stayed until he was lowered into the ground. It was a small group of us at that point. We all threw in some dirt and then Violet and Eos said that they wanted to throw some flowers in for him. So we let them.

Since Papo's passing Violet has continued to talk about him and voice what she thinks he is doing. She is always certain that he is with Grandma Pam and that they are having fun together. One day she told me "Mommy I think Papo is playing with Grandma Pam now." I asked her "What are they playing?" She looked up and said "I think they are playing golf." I don't know how she knew that he loved playing golf. Maybe she overheard someone talking about it. I answered, "yes, I am sure they are." Another time she told me that Papo was dancing in heaven. He was dancing for joy with Grandma Pam. I love when she shares these thoughts with me because I really do believe that children have a more open mind to the spiritual world. And I love to picture my beloved mother and grandfather doing the things she says they are doing.

Before we left for our trip to see the Craft family we had several opportunities to go and visit with my Mamo. Violet seemed to know she was sad and she knew why, without me telling her. Two days before we left we were over visiting with her and Violet asked me if Mamo lived in Japan. And then said she didn't want to be away from Mamo. She began to cry and say she wanted to be with Mamo. Then she decided she would make a picture for Mamo to remember her by.

She went and drew Mamo a picture and when she brought it to her she told her it was magical.Then she gave Mamo her plastic wand (a toy she had recently become very attached to) and said the picture was "remoted". She said, "When you touch the wand to the picture a voice comes out." "Who's voice?" Mamo said. "Gods voice." replied Violet. "What does he say?" asked Mamo. "That you are never alone and Papo is always with you.When you feel sad and miss Papo you can use it." Violet said.

Just before all of this Violet had asked Mamo "who do you sleep with?" Mamo said I sleep alone now. I sleep with angels." So, Violet made this picture and came up with that whole idea on her own. 

She then told her "You have to use it right when you wake up because I know you always miss Papo when you wake up." Then Mamo said, "Can I use it at bedtime too?" Violet said, "Yes! You can use it anytime when you feel sad and are missing Papo or anyone who is not here anymore. Anyone who is not with you. God will always help you when you feel sad!"

Mamo was so touched. We all were. I could hardly hold back my tears through the whole conversation. My Aunt was in the room and tearful and my Dad was too. It was so precious and so heartfelt.

Violet, you will never know the comfort you brought to me during this sad time. You remind me to be joyful. You remind me to be not only sympathetic but empathetic to others feelings and needs. You remind me to look for love in all things and to keep smiling. I love you forever and always!  

Papo, I love you! You taught us all so much about life and how to always keep family and God first. You and Mamo gave us all such a beautiful glimpse of what true love is. For whenever you two were together, it was obvious you were crazy about each other. Thank you for loving me, Papo. I will never forget you!

I'd like to share his obituary here. I am going to copy and paste it so that Violet can read it one day when she is older. 

Sixto Elizondo Jr. 82 went home to our Lord on July 14, 2013, surrounded by his entire family. He was born in Seguin, Texas and moved to San Antonio when he was 9 years old.

He was a prominent artist of his time with over 50 years in the field of antique restoration and furniture finishing. He began his career with Mildred English Interior Design as an apprentice and was sent to various fine furniture manufacturing companies to perfect his trade.

After working at Mildred English for 20 years he opened his own business-Sixto’s Custom Finishing. He went on to become a very well known artist in San Antonio, Austin, Houston, and Dallas. One of his most defining moments was creating his version of a very fine finish which was invented by Robert Minton, of New York. It was a crackle type finish, and was created by him and his son Oscar after many hours of experimenting in the garage until it was perfected.

Sixto had an appreciation and passion for furniture and wood. Many homes, churches, businesses and museums are filled with his finest work. He took great pride in his work and was dedicated to his profession.

Sixto was a man of faith, devoted husband, loving father, grandfather and great grandfather. He loved spending time with his family, hunting, fishing, golf and casinos.

Sixto was a member of St. John the Evangelist Catholic Church. He was a Fourth Degree Knight of Columbus and previously served as Grand Knight. He had a special devotion to the Virgin de Guadalupe.

Sixto leaves behind his beloved wife of 62 years, Matilde, sons Sixto III (Sarah), Sam (Thelma), Oscar (Denise), daughters Carmen Bernal (Henry),Olga Elizondo-Aulds, Cris Garcia (Ray) Norma Alvarez (John) and Ana Cortez(Don). He also leaves behind 31 grandchildren and 25 great grandchildren. He is also survived by sisters, Evangelina Garcia, Maxine Palacios and Zoila Flores. A special thanks to Vitas Hospice and his caretakers, grandson Donnie Cortez, granddaughter Cassie Cortez, Toni Gibbons and Ryan La Reau.

First Swimming Class and other pics

Sweet Girl

When I went to pick up Violet from school on Wednesday I noticed that they had put up the Tanabata decorations in the hall. The kids all get to write down a wish and tie it to a branch. Last year Violet wrote down that she wished for a baby. So I asked her, "Did you get to write down your wish yet?" She looked up and said "Yes, I did!". "What did you wish for baby?" I asked. "I wished to take away your sadness." she said. "My sadness? Do you think mama is sad?" I asked. "Yes, I wished to take away your sadness because when you are sad I want to take you my love." she said. I had already stopped and was squatting down at her eye level, at that point though, I feel onto my knees and pulled her to my chest as closely as I could. I felt on the verge of tears. I looked into her eyes and I said, "Violet you are so kind and so thoughtful. I love you so very much!" She hugged me back and said, "Mama, I just love you!"

Oh this girl melts my heart! I wish that she never had to see me sad and that I could be the picture of happiness all the time around her but I know that wouldn't be healthy either. She needs to know that all emotions are normal and that we are all allowed to feel them. I just pray that she never feels the responsibility to make me or anyone else feel happy if they are sad or angry. Because that is a losing battle.

I love you, Violet!

Violet Drives "Mama Jeepy"

http://craftcameraroll.tumblr.com/post/53934938026

Cooking with Violet

Last night Violet made dinner all by herself. Well, I precut the veggies and put the raw meat in. But she did the rest. She made Japanese Curry. Boy was she excited! She added different spices too. She even served us all with little help from Mama. She is getting so big!! Video to come later. After she served it she asked us all how it was. She was beaming!

We all had seconds and she ate it for breakfast too. :)

Sports Day うんどうかい 6.22.20133

On Saturday, Violet had her first うんどうかい！ It's like field day. Events included a running race, tug-o-war, ball toss and some dances. The kids and teachers work so hard preparing for this event every year. The kids practice all the events for about a month before the actual day. Violet loves to run and so she was really looking forward to this day. There was a bit too much emphasis put on winning, in my opinion but still it was fun. The kids are placed in heats according to their speed for the running race. Violet was with her best boy  friend and some other 3 year olds from her class. It seemed like she was in the group of the fastest runners. They practiced running every day at school and each day she would come home and tell me that either she was first or Taku was first. They were trading off each day. So it was going to be a close race.
When she woke up on Saturday morning she said "today is undoukai!! I am going to win! I am the fastest runner!" I tried to remind her that winning wasn't the most important part of it, just having fun with our friends was the most important thing. She was adamant though, she was going to win.

I was concerned that day that she would want to sit with us the whole time instead of with her class and I felt bad that she was going to have to "be at school" for half of her Saturday, because she so looks forward to "no school" days. But she did fine. She was a little hesitant when I left her at her room. She asked me to stay with her for a while, so I did. Then I told her that when I went I was just going to be outside and I was going to be waiting for her just outside the door. She seemed ok with that and told me I could go.

She didn't see us at first and she began to cry. Finally she spotted us and all was well again. Until the race....
She ran so fast and so hard! Taku came in first and Violet in second. As soon as he crossed the finish line you could see her tears starting to come. But she finished out fast and hard and came in second. She burst into tears and ran to me. I tried to comfort her and tell her it was ok to be sad but that she did  really good job. She was inconsolable for quite a while. So I held her for a while and just let her feel. Finally I let her go back to her class and her teacher held her for a while too. She wanted to go home but we asked her to stay for the dancing.

There was a parent/child dance and so I went up to dance with her. She was still pretty tearful and wanted to be held. We did some of the dance though. She was getting tired and hungry by that point. And it was hot!
Last was the group dance with all the kids from the school and a guest appearance from our town mascot Ofunaton. She really cheered up then!

The kids all received a gold medal and small gift (chopsticks and spoon set, and a rain poncho) and after it was all said and done she said she had a great time! We then went out for ice cream and udon noodles for lunch. She got to play at the play area she likes at the restaurant and then we came home. Overall it was a fun day!

Here are some pics from the day! ok so the pics won't load for some reason.... so I will have to update later.