Wednesday, August 18, 2010

11 Years

11 Years ago today my dear sweet mother left this world. Sometimes it seems like only yesterday. She was an angel and she was my best friend. I miss her every day. I always thought I would be able to ask her advice on being a mother but that dream did not come true. I am so thankful that she taught me how to be the mother I am today by being the mother she was to me and my brothers. She loved life and she loved her family and she loved the Lord. She is my inspiration in life and I pray I can be as wonderful as she was.
I wish that she could have held her grandbabies...I know she dreamed of that day but I rest in the thought that she holds them every night as they are sleeping. Once, when my niece was very young she told me that Grandma Pam came to her in her dreams. It was so beautiful. So I hold that in my heart that she is with them and with us always. I often dream of her and though they are sometimes painful dreams of loss sometimes they are perfect dreams of us sitting together and just being present to one another. And I am thankful for those dreams.
 The following is a poem that a friend of my father's wrote for us after she passed away. I don't think I ever got to thank him. He will never know how deeply this poem touched me and comforts me to this day. He used her final words as inspiration for the poem. "Sometimes we have to have a few setbacks to fully enjoy the glory of victory." Thank you Mr. Brockhouse for your beautiful words of comfort.

Lift me up Lord.
Lift me up.
Put angels at my side.
Take me to that place
Oh Lord,
That place where You reside.

I'm ready
for the journey, Lord.
My time on earth is through.
I long to see
the gates of Heaven,
and spend Eternity
with you.

For those I leave behind
this day,
Lord, give them peace from sorrow.
That they may see
through grief and pain
new life for me...
Tomorrow.

Lord, Bless my Family,
Give it strength.
Pull gently on its Heart
so it will feel
My presence, Lord,
and know
We're not apart.

My mortal body
cries no more.
My setbacks fade away.
I fully enjoy
The Glory, Lord,
of Victory with you
this day.

So, Lift me up Lord,
Lift me up.
Lay on my Soul
Your Hand.
Thy Will be done, Lord,
Grant me peace,
In Your Blessed Promised Land.

by David Brockhouse 1999

Monday, August 09, 2010

Sleeping Beauty

Who ever knew I could get used to 4-5 hrs of sleep a night. I never thought I would. When I was younger my family often teased me about the amount of time I could sleep. Everyone knew it. I could sleep for 10 even 12 hours at a time. Sometimes my mom would let me sleep till I woke up on Saturdays. Sometimes I would wake up in time for dinner and go back to bed. Ah those were the days. I was the Sleeping Beauty in my family. Now I am lucky to get 3 consecutive hours and at most 5 hours for the whole night. Our precious daughter has not yet developed the love for sleeping that her mommy has.
When Violet was first born I thought, "How will I ever get used to this? Waking every hour for feedings? Are you serious?" But I did. Then it became every 2 then every 3. It seems we are stuck at 3 now.  She still needs to be nursed to sleep. She often wakes not to be fed but just to be close to me. She sleeps in the crib now right beside our bed and I swear she can smell me when I come in to bed at night and then she wakes up and wants to nurse. Then she joins us in our family bed for the night. Violet is very slender so I never want to deny her milk. So I pick her up and feed her. If she is not hungry she will just drift back to sleep. Then I lay down in bed and wait for her to wake again. I usually can't fall asleep because I am wondering when she will wake again. It seems just as I begin to drift off she starts to stir. Or I can't sleep because I am watching her sleep. She is such a cute sleeper. :)
So, I bought The No Cry Sleep Solutions book but have yet to get past page 60. ;)  I don't think I could ever let her just cry so I always pick her up. As Dr. Sears says, this stage won't last forever. I don't mind being there for her whenever she needs me. I don't mind getting 4-5 hours of sleep because I know all too soon she will be turning 18 and then I won't be able to sleep because I will wonder when she is coming home and hoping she is not getting into too much mischief. So I am cherishing these days of sleepless nights. I am enjoying every moment I can. And I am thanking God for the sleep that I do get. :)
Here are some pics of our little sleeper


Violet stands!


Violet standing from Musclecars & Meditation™ on Vimeo.