Love to get up to this

Lets get up and play it sounds like a hot day! I can hear sunbeams poking through the clouds!

We have a mathematician!

This morning was a rough one being the first one back to school after another 3 weeks off with mommy. I have so much to write about in regards to our trip home and milestones to catch up on but for now I just want to write this one down so she can read it one day.

We had been reading books this morning, several books, while eating breakfast and getting ready for our day. We were reading The Jalapeno Man (A Texas version of the classic Gingerbread Man story) when she saw a picture of a rabbit. Violet loves to talk about when she was a little girl in another life. She looked up at me and said "When I was a little girl I had 2 rabbits and 2 kitties so that equals 4 pets. I was so shocked that she said that since it came out of nowhere! I told her that was right. Then she said, "I had a garden too. There were 2 daisies and 2 daffodils. So that equals 4 flowers that I had."

I have always struggled with math and never have thought of myself as being capable of doing math. It all started with a teacher calling me stupid in front of the whole class because I couldn't answer the division flash card she was holding up. I was in the 1st grade. Ever since then my journey learning math has been a struggle. I hope and pray that no one crushes her spirit like that but I can't protect her from everything.

For now, I just want to say to her, Violet, you are 4 years and 5 days old and today you created and solved your first word problem all by yourself. You are strong and capable of anything! I love you!

A late night post

At this time exactly 4 years ago our precious Violet-Cecilia すみれ was born. She has grown into such an interesting, kind, loving and charming person. I can't believe our baby girl is 4 years old. It seems like only yesterday I was holding her for the first time. Violet, we love you so very much. May God grant you strength as you continue on this journey called life. May he grant you grace and courage when life gets hard. May your heart always be filled with love and light. You have taught me to find beauty in all things, even the ordinary is extraordinary when you are around. Happy birthday sweet flower! 

“The only real security is not insurance or money or a job, not a house and furniture paid for, or a retirement fund, and never is it another person.

It is the skill and humor and courage within, the ability to build your own fires and find your own peace.”
                                                                              ~ Audrey Sutherland

          via Gabe's Small Home Ideas Blog

Recent moments

Violet to Mommy, "When you get smaller and turn into a child again I will take you to your school while I go to my work. I will drive you there." Mommy, "You will. Will you make sure that I go to a fun school where I can do lots of fun things like paint and play?" Violet, "Yes, I will! It will be a really fun school. You will miss me when I go but I will come back for you. There will be beds for sleeping too." Mommy, "Someday that might happen. You might be taking care of me and have to find a place I can go while you are working. I know you will take good care of me." Followed by a big hug and lots of kisses.

Violet, "Mommy, do grown ups have milkies?" I said, "no honey they don't." Violet replied, "I think I will. I will have milkies forever and ever till the day I die! Maybe even after I die! I'll just crawl up in your lap and sip up those milkies!" She will be 4 in 2 weeks! I can't believe we've come this far but so glad we have!

We went to a Karaoke box on a rainy Friday and sang songs as a family. We ordered pizza and salad and sang to our hearts content. Violet sang the Ave Maria and Daddy sang lots of Beatles. When I sang Baby Mine to her she stopped me and said "Mommy you can stop now. It's just too beautiful. It's too much! You can stop now." It's our special song that we have sung to her every day of her life, since I first new she was in my womb. We really loved when he sang John Lennon's Love is Real. To finish we sang Three Little Birds by Bob Marley its our family song. Violet sang along so well. We all had a really good time!

Here we are on a homemade swing outside my daughter's preschool. It faces a pretty busy road and we got lots of kind looks from passersby. The sunlight was so pretty that day. Some days we make it till 5pm before nursing others we get just outside the gates of her school and she's ready for milkies.
Ps this photo wasn't edited.

And last, here we are on a school day morning. Mommy trying to make breakfast while Violet tries to squeeze in all the snuggles and holding she can before school. It's still so hard in the mornings.

Saying Goodbye

This past summer we traveled to the US for our yearly visit. We ended up being there for almost 2 months. It wasn't part of our original trip but it was definitely a blessing that we could be there when we were. My dear sweet grandfather's health was failing and we decided to move up our trip so that we could be there to say goodbye. We arrived exactly one week before he went home. It was a bittersweet week for us all. We arrived in time to see him when he could still respond and know that we were there. In fact he even brought his hand up to his mouth to blow Violet a kiss. That was one of the last moments of his ability to physically respond with more than a grunt. It it a beautiful memory that I will always cherish. She had just told him that she loved him and was praying for him. She blew him a kiss and he slowly moved his hand up to his mouth to return the kiss. We were all shocked that he was physically able to do it and Violet was so happy she beamed from ear to ear.

The days before his passing, we all gathered at their home and surrounded him with our love and words of farewell. It was a beautiful and emotional time. Violet was with me and played with her cousins a lot but also wanted to see Papo. She gave him kisses and prayed for him. My grandmother requested that I sing to him as he was passing away and each time that it looked like he might pass on I would start to sing. I sang the Ave Maria more times than I can count. Violet started picking up on the words and started singing with me some times. It was so sweet to hear her sweet voice singing along with mine. When my brothers and I started singing hymns together she wanted to sing along too. Even though she didn't know the words, she would try to follow along. It is a precious memory for me.

When he finally went to his Heavenly home Violet was in another room and I went to get her. She ran to my arms and said "mommy where is Papo?" I told her he had passed away. She smiled so big and said, "mommy, he's not in pain anymore now. He's in heaven now right? He is with Grandma Pam. Can I be happy? We can be happy right?" After that I found it difficult to cry. She reminded me to be joyful.

I told her of course she could be happy and after that I had a hard time not feeling a form of happiness too. She smiled and laughed and rejoiced in his homegoing. It was amazing. She wanted to go over and see his body. She was confused why his body was still there. She thought it would disappear. But she touched him and felt him and I told her his earthly body is here but his spirit, what we knew him like was gone.

The days following she often stated that she missed him, in fact she still periodically talks about him and how she misses him. She told me that Papo wants her to come to be with him in heaven. That she saw his body turn into a pony when he died and he is a pony now. She asks about if he will come back as someone of something else. She is really interested in this lately and she often talks to me about what she was before and what she will be. We tell her that none of us really knows what happens after we die but what we believe is that we don't have to have any pain anymore and we can be everywhere with all the people we love even if they can't see us.

When we had the Rosary, Papo's casket was open. Violet wanted to go up and see him and touch him over and over. She wanted to give him stickers and put them on his hands. I let her do it as often as I could because she was really expressing a desire to see him. I had to really try hard to keep her in her seat during the service because she kept wanting to get up. Throughout the service she kept asking me questions about death and heaven and life after death. Questions that I couldn't answer because I don't know the answers. I could only answer with my feeble human mind. Then when she saw me crying she said, "Mama when will my tears come?" I said, "Your tears will come when you are ready. We cry when we are sad or happy or scared or for any other feeling." Then she pressed her self against my body and looked up at me and said "Mommy, maybe if we press our cheeks together and you touch your eyes to my eyes I can share your tears. Your tears will become my tears." I was so taken aback by this expression of true empathy out of my child's mouth and heart. I immediately said, "yes, you can share my tears baby. I will share my tears with you and you can always share your tears with me." I pressed my cheek to hers and our closed eyes touched. My mascara stained tears rolled down her cheeks and she smiled up at me and said, "See mama, now I have your tears." I just hugged her.

My brothers and I sang Amazing Grace at the Rosary and Violet really wanted to sing with us. She really wanted to sing for Papo. She saw me expressing my love for my grandparents through singing to them for the last week and I think she really wanted to do the same. So I let her come up to the microphone with me. She didn't know the words but she sang her heart out. I struggled to keep it together while listening to her sweet voice in my ear.

At the funeral, Papo's casket was open in the beginning before the service started so that people who couldn't make it to the Rosary could see him. Again, Violet wanted to go up to see him again and again. I let her take a couple of turns to say goodbye again. She gave him a few more stickers too. Then when they came to close the casket she became upset. She wanted to see him still. I tried to comfort her and tell her that it was just his body, he wasn't there anymore. She continued to ask me questions about what happens to a person after they die and where he was. I tried to explain in as best a way I could that he was no longer in pain. He was with Grandma Pam and he would always be with us and around us watching over us.
We continued on to the burial and we stayed until he was lowered into the ground. It was a small group of us at that point. We all threw in some dirt and then Violet and Eos said that they wanted to throw some flowers in for him. So we let them.

Since Papo's passing Violet has continued to talk about him and voice what she thinks he is doing. She is always certain that he is with Grandma Pam and that they are having fun together. One day she told me "Mommy I think Papo is playing with Grandma Pam now." I asked her "What are they playing?" She looked up and said "I think they are playing golf." I don't know how she knew that he loved playing golf. Maybe she overheard someone talking about it. I answered, "yes, I am sure they are." Another time she told me that Papo was dancing in heaven. He was dancing for joy with Grandma Pam. I love when she shares these thoughts with me because I really do believe that children have a more open mind to the spiritual world. And I love to picture my beloved mother and grandfather doing the things she says they are doing.

Before we left for our trip to see the Craft family we had several opportunities to go and visit with my Mamo. Violet seemed to know she was sad and she knew why, without me telling her. Two days before we left we were over visiting with her and Violet asked me if Mamo lived in Japan. And then said she didn't want to be away from Mamo. She began to cry and say she wanted to be with Mamo. Then she decided she would make a picture for Mamo to remember her by.

She went and drew Mamo a picture and when she brought it to her she told her it was magical.Then she gave Mamo her plastic wand (a toy she had recently become very attached to) and said the picture was "remoted". She said, "When you touch the wand to the picture a voice comes out." "Who's voice?" Mamo said. "Gods voice." replied Violet. "What does he say?" asked Mamo. "That you are never alone and Papo is always with you.When you feel sad and miss Papo you can use it." Violet said.

Just before all of this Violet had asked Mamo "who do you sleep with?" Mamo said I sleep alone now. I sleep with angels." So, Violet made this picture and came up with that whole idea on her own. 

She then told her "You have to use it right when you wake up because I know you always miss Papo when you wake up." Then Mamo said, "Can I use it at bedtime too?" Violet said, "Yes! You can use it anytime when you feel sad and are missing Papo or anyone who is not here anymore. Anyone who is not with you. God will always help you when you feel sad!"

Mamo was so touched. We all were. I could hardly hold back my tears through the whole conversation. My Aunt was in the room and tearful and my Dad was too. It was so precious and so heartfelt.

Violet, you will never know the comfort you brought to me during this sad time. You remind me to be joyful. You remind me to be not only sympathetic but empathetic to others feelings and needs. You remind me to look for love in all things and to keep smiling. I love you forever and always!  

Papo, I love you! You taught us all so much about life and how to always keep family and God first. You and Mamo gave us all such a beautiful glimpse of what true love is. For whenever you two were together, it was obvious you were crazy about each other. Thank you for loving me, Papo. I will never forget you!

I'd like to share his obituary here. I am going to copy and paste it so that Violet can read it one day when she is older. 

Sixto Elizondo Jr. 82 went home to our Lord on July 14, 2013, surrounded by his entire family. He was born in Seguin, Texas and moved to San Antonio when he was 9 years old.

He was a prominent artist of his time with over 50 years in the field of antique restoration and furniture finishing. He began his career with Mildred English Interior Design as an apprentice and was sent to various fine furniture manufacturing companies to perfect his trade.

After working at Mildred English for 20 years he opened his own business-Sixto’s Custom Finishing. He went on to become a very well known artist in San Antonio, Austin, Houston, and Dallas. One of his most defining moments was creating his version of a very fine finish which was invented by Robert Minton, of New York. It was a crackle type finish, and was created by him and his son Oscar after many hours of experimenting in the garage until it was perfected.

Sixto had an appreciation and passion for furniture and wood. Many homes, churches, businesses and museums are filled with his finest work. He took great pride in his work and was dedicated to his profession.

Sixto was a man of faith, devoted husband, loving father, grandfather and great grandfather. He loved spending time with his family, hunting, fishing, golf and casinos.

Sixto was a member of St. John the Evangelist Catholic Church. He was a Fourth Degree Knight of Columbus and previously served as Grand Knight. He had a special devotion to the Virgin de Guadalupe.

Sixto leaves behind his beloved wife of 62 years, Matilde, sons Sixto III (Sarah), Sam (Thelma), Oscar (Denise), daughters Carmen Bernal (Henry),Olga Elizondo-Aulds, Cris Garcia (Ray) Norma Alvarez (John) and Ana Cortez(Don). He also leaves behind 31 grandchildren and 25 great grandchildren. He is also survived by sisters, Evangelina Garcia, Maxine Palacios and Zoila Flores. A special thanks to Vitas Hospice and his caretakers, grandson Donnie Cortez, granddaughter Cassie Cortez, Toni Gibbons and Ryan La Reau.

First Swimming Class and other pics

Sweet Girl

When I went to pick up Violet from school on Wednesday I noticed that they had put up the Tanabata decorations in the hall. The kids all get to write down a wish and tie it to a branch. Last year Violet wrote down that she wished for a baby. So I asked her, "Did you get to write down your wish yet?" She looked up and said "Yes, I did!". "What did you wish for baby?" I asked. "I wished to take away your sadness." she said. "My sadness? Do you think mama is sad?" I asked. "Yes, I wished to take away your sadness because when you are sad I want to take you my love." she said. I had already stopped and was squatting down at her eye level, at that point though, I feel onto my knees and pulled her to my chest as closely as I could. I felt on the verge of tears. I looked into her eyes and I said, "Violet you are so kind and so thoughtful. I love you so very much!" She hugged me back and said, "Mama, I just love you!"

Oh this girl melts my heart! I wish that she never had to see me sad and that I could be the picture of happiness all the time around her but I know that wouldn't be healthy either. She needs to know that all emotions are normal and that we are all allowed to feel them. I just pray that she never feels the responsibility to make me or anyone else feel happy if they are sad or angry. Because that is a losing battle.

I love you, Violet!

Violet Drives "Mama Jeepy"

http://craftcameraroll.tumblr.com/post/53934938026

Cooking with Violet

Last night Violet made dinner all by herself. Well, I precut the veggies and put the raw meat in. But she did the rest. She made Japanese Curry. Boy was she excited! She added different spices too. She even served us all with little help from Mama. She is getting so big!! Video to come later. After she served it she asked us all how it was. She was beaming!

We all had seconds and she ate it for breakfast too. :)

Sports Day うんどうかい 6.22.20133

On Saturday, Violet had her first うんどうかい！ It's like field day. Events included a running race, tug-o-war, ball toss and some dances. The kids and teachers work so hard preparing for this event every year. The kids practice all the events for about a month before the actual day. Violet loves to run and so she was really looking forward to this day. There was a bit too much emphasis put on winning, in my opinion but still it was fun. The kids are placed in heats according to their speed for the running race. Violet was with her best boy  friend and some other 3 year olds from her class. It seemed like she was in the group of the fastest runners. They practiced running every day at school and each day she would come home and tell me that either she was first or Taku was first. They were trading off each day. So it was going to be a close race.
When she woke up on Saturday morning she said "today is undoukai!! I am going to win! I am the fastest runner!" I tried to remind her that winning wasn't the most important part of it, just having fun with our friends was the most important thing. She was adamant though, she was going to win.

I was concerned that day that she would want to sit with us the whole time instead of with her class and I felt bad that she was going to have to "be at school" for half of her Saturday, because she so looks forward to "no school" days. But she did fine. She was a little hesitant when I left her at her room. She asked me to stay with her for a while, so I did. Then I told her that when I went I was just going to be outside and I was going to be waiting for her just outside the door. She seemed ok with that and told me I could go.

She didn't see us at first and she began to cry. Finally she spotted us and all was well again. Until the race....
She ran so fast and so hard! Taku came in first and Violet in second. As soon as he crossed the finish line you could see her tears starting to come. But she finished out fast and hard and came in second. She burst into tears and ran to me. I tried to comfort her and tell her it was ok to be sad but that she did  really good job. She was inconsolable for quite a while. So I held her for a while and just let her feel. Finally I let her go back to her class and her teacher held her for a while too. She wanted to go home but we asked her to stay for the dancing.

There was a parent/child dance and so I went up to dance with her. She was still pretty tearful and wanted to be held. We did some of the dance though. She was getting tired and hungry by that point. And it was hot!
Last was the group dance with all the kids from the school and a guest appearance from our town mascot Ofunaton. She really cheered up then!

The kids all received a gold medal and small gift (chopsticks and spoon set, and a rain poncho) and after it was all said and done she said she had a great time! We then went out for ice cream and udon noodles for lunch. She got to play at the play area she likes at the restaurant and then we came home. Overall it was a fun day!

Here are some pics from the day! ok so the pics won't load for some reason.... so I will have to update later.