Violet has been thinking about life and death a lot since the passing of my grandparents last summer. This was a conversation we had the other night in bed.
Vi:"Mommy, when will you die?"
Mommy: "I don't know sweetheart. None of us knows when we will die."
Vi: "Mommy, I want you to live a long and happy life."
Mommy: "I want you to live a long and happy life too sweetpea."
Vi:"Mommy, if you die then I will just be with Daddy. Then I won't have anymore sweet kisses or anymore milkies. And if daddy dies too, then I will just be only one. There will be no more tickles and sweet hugs! Mommy you have to start writing a book about your life. So that I can always remember you and I can always remember having sweet milkies. I don't want you to die mommy! I would miss you so much!"
Cue mommy tearing up and lots of hugs and kisses....
And here is one from March 23rd
"If heaven gets too full do people
float all around in the solar system.
Can they turn into stars?"
And here are some other non death related
but interesting conversations.
one from March 9th
"I'm going to give you a big big kiss to fill
up your whole body with my love.
Then you won't have blood inside anymore.
You'll just have little hearts of my love
running through your body.
Then if you cut yourself your blood won't come out.
Just my love will come out and it won't hurt so much."
I said, "Now I'm going to give you a big kiss
and fill you up."
I squeezed her tight and kissed her heart.
She patted my back and said, "Just relax mama.
I feel your love. Now I'm all filled up in my
whole body with your love."
And a couple of weeks ago she said,
"Mommy, when I grow up I want to be a cowboy and also a
ballerina. Then I can dance sometimes and also
ride bucking broncos. Or maybe I will just be a cowboy."
She says this to me almost daily.
"Mommy guess how much I love you?"
Mommy: "How much?"
Violet: "I love you bigger than the whole solar system!"
After Martin Luther King Jr. Day she had a lot of interesting things
on her mind too. She learned about segregation and inequality.
On Feb. 2 they had a setsubun celebration,
where they threw peanuts and people dressed in
Oni (demon) masks. She was afraid last year but this year
it was just the older kids wearing masks
and some of the teachers. I told her that morning that she
could hold hands with her friend, Sarasa.
Sarasa is a year older. They are in the same
class but they separate the 3 year old group and 4 year old group sometimes.
I asked her at the end of the day if she held
Sarasa's hand during the mamemaki (bean throwing).
Here is what she said,
"Mommy, I couldn't hold Sarasa's hand because they segregated us.
They segregated us because of the color of our skin.
Whites with whites. And because Sarasa is a 4saiji (4 year old group).
They wanted to segregate us."
I said, "I don't think they segregated you because of the color of your skin.
Your school wouldn't do that. It is wrong to segregate people because of their skin color,
their religion or beliefs. Do you know why?"
Violet,"Yes, mommy because that would break our hearts.
But not our hearts inside us pumping blood, our love hearts."
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| For the last three years we have gone to this Camellia Greenhouse on March 11th. It is calm and quiet and we can remember our loved ones in a peaceful environment as the sirens go off. We all hugged each other close as we listened to the sirens. |
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| One of the beautiful camellia flowers we found on the ground of the greenhouse. |
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